Sunday, July 31, 2005

Just a slob like one of us

Damon: I was thinking about Monkeybone today.
God: How many times have I heard a conversation start that way?
Damon: Too many I'm sure. I was thinking about how they have that joke where Stephen King is in hell because a less creative spirit took over his body. That's a pretty clever gag.
Damon: I thought about it. Didn't he write a short story about a possessed doll that kills?
God: Of course, every lazy horror trope he's taken and turned into something.
Damon: I wonder if he has a dictaphone.
God: "Note to self: possessed DVD player that shows people their deaths."
Damon: "Note to self: an evil supermarket that takes people's souls."
God: "Note to self: start the stories with quotes from Rock N' Roll songs. Wait..."
Damon: Hey now.
God: Dude, he sucks now, have you read his latest EW thing?
Damon: Nah.
God: He should commence the whittling, and suck on a corn pipe.
Damon: I wonder if he pursued the high price trim in his coke days. That would have been awesome. Killer Steve slaying the ladies. Awesome.
God: You seen anything good lately?
Damon: I liked Last Days a lot but I saw that with you, so... I liked Hustle and Flow, thought the Flight of the Phoenix remake was solid. Watched Ray last night. Meh. Good music.
God: But how do you fuck that up?
Damon: Dunno. Oh, I watched Bedazzled again, such a great film.
God: It's sad to think they're both dead.
Damon: I know, Peter Cook, such a genius.
God: Indeed.
Damon: What have you been up to lately?
God: Oh, you know. This and that. Rob Cohen and I have been hanging out a lot lately. He knew Stealth wasn't going to hit, but he's been taking it hard.
Damon: At least he got to fuck Asia.
God: Girls with daddy issues: always hot.
Damon: For sure.
God: And Jesus has been sort of mopey lately.
Damon: Any reason?
God: No reason. I guess it's that time of the month. He was dating Eva Mendez for a couple, and then that ended poorly.
Damon: Why?
God: Religous differences, I guess.
Damon: You.
God: She didn't believe in him, but mostly cause he was balling Kirsten Dunst on the side.
Damon: She is a side dish.
God: Oh well.
Damon: You been seeing anyone?
God: Me, nah. After Ali McGraw broke my heart in 84, I stay away from actresses.
Damon: You should date rock stars. The life of the road, meng.
God: Tell me about it. Stick it to Eve, or something.
Damon: She let you blow her mind, I'm sure.
God: You're not going to go for the sex tape reference?
Damon: Not today.
God: Well, you've got that going for you.
Damon: ZING!
God: And I'm out.
Damon: Chocolate Factory this week?
God: Yeah, maybe, hit me on my cell.
Damon: Done.
God: Peace.
Damon: Later.